Allow Me to be Selfish

So I usually try not to be selfish.

"Uh, don't we all?"

Sure, but I reaaaally mean it.
I always try to understand every side of the situation
I always try to get you.
I'm a really considerate person, even if doing something for you is inconvenient.

But allow me to abandon myself for a moment,
because I'm upset.
And when I'm upset, I let it out.
Bottling up isn't good, nope.

I haven't Skyped with Oscar since Monday, and we've barely been able
to talk all week.
I'm 120% grateful for the facebook conversations we've been able to have.
Sincerely. They've been blessings, no matter how short.
But he leaves his dad's soon.
Which means no more Skype.
Which means barely talking to him.
Which means nothing until we go back to school, where we won't have time for one another.

I shouldn't complain.
He never gets to see his family in El Salvador.
I'm excited for him to be there.
To experience and share with them.
And it could be worse - he could
be in the military.

But he keeps telling me we'll talk...
But then we don't.
I get excited...
But nothing comes of it.
Today was a bad, painful, sick day.
All I wanted was to talk to him.
Not happening again.
He told me 930 (my time),
And then at 1130 texts me saying if I want to stay up til 1230 we can talk.

No, I have to get up at 6am.

It just makes me upset because I've
rearranged my schedule several times.
JUST to talk to him.
Even if he only gave me five minutes of his time, it's be better than nothing.
And soon, I wont be able to talk to him.
At all.

And then he'll say he misses me
and I'll be like... You had an opportunity to talk to me and didn't.

Ah, young love.
End selfish rant.
I just miss him and want a little us time.
I don't think I'm asking for a lot.

3 thoughts on “Allow Me to be Selfish

  1. i love your honesty.

    keep it up. :)

  2. Oh how I've been through EXACTLY the same thing... I always feel guilty about it. But I think we're allowed to feel this way. We just want some quality time (love language); not looking for material things here.

  3. It's always hard being apart from the man you love. I go through the exact same process every time my husband gets sent off.


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