Recently, Jarrid Wilson wrote an article on his blog that caught headlines - "I'm Dating Someone Even Though I'm Married," available through that click-through link. I think it alarmed some individuals because he is a pastor but the message behind the article is fantastic and one that I have personally believed since my first "real" boyfriend years ago.

The concept is not difficult. In short, Jarrid is talking about dating your spouse and to not get caught up in the daily routines, causing your marriage to fail. I think that it makes a tremendous about of sense. So often, whether it's romantically or even with friends, we become complacent. Our relationships become routine and often not very spontaneous - I mean, what more can you learn about somebody you've known intimately for years?

I'd like to expand his ideas and say that I don't think this simply applies to married individuals. It applies to romantic partners as well. For example, my boyfriend and I have been together just over two years now and we are in a serious, committed (long-distance) relationship. It is still as important for us to pursue one another and be spontaneous; so often, young individuals lose interest in their partners and the ideals of marriage that are important and worth pursuing are lost. "I don't know if I want to spend the rest of my life with them, there's so much out there!" While my fellow young adults are not incorrect, I dare to ask the question "What if you don't know because you're not looking for that in your partner?"

I mentioned that my boyfriend and I are long-distance. We're more fortunate than some in that we're only separated by a state and, when I return to Albany, only three hours. It doesn't make it easier though. If we become complacent in our relationship, we're less likely to go out of our way to Skype one another, to visit one another, to go out on dates when we do get to see each other. We can fall into "Oh, well, you're here for a week so let's just lay around and watch TV." That's fine and well, but it doesn't keep a spark alive! We appreciate every opportunity we have together because we know it is limited. This is an ongoing discussion between us; when we have Skype dates, let's get dressed up for one another as if we were actually going out to dinner. When we're together, let's find free weekend entertainment off campus so we don't find time to get annoyed about finances. Instead of looking for spontaneous get-togethers with friends - which are still important! - let's be spontaneous together. Let's keep a scrapbook of all of the great times we're having. Let's ask each other on dates through fortune cookies. Let's be as young and in love as we feel.

Instead of getting bored with your partner and not looking forward to marriage, start pursuing them now. If you always go to dinner and a movie with your boyfriend or girlfriend, try going mini golfing and breakfast in bed (or on couch, if you're sleeping separately to remain abstinent). Try out a new location that they've mentioned before but you just never got around to trying. Make them a mixed CD of songs that remind you of specific locations, and use an old school program like Windows Media Player to edit the information so they can read why it reminds you of them. Do Wonder Trades with them on their new Pokemon X or Y game to show them that you're invested in the small activities they enjoy. Make a collage of their favourite Bible verse for them. Listen to a message through your local online church together and discuss how it made you feel and how it can apply to your life. Take a kickboxing class together and go to a frozen yogurt place and create the others' dish, as a game to see what they like and don't like. Pretend you just met and ask each other questions about the other, rediscovering small facts you may have forgotten. Do all of the sweet things that made the beginning of your relationship so exciting and expand on them.

It's so important to start this idea of dating your partner now before you're married so that it continues then. If you're being filled with love by your partner and God, you'll have no reason to doubt your relationship. If you are doubting, maybe that person isn't right for you. But you should still try and make the effort (note: if it is an abusive relationship, the only effort you need to make is to get help leaving). Dating your partner is not overrated, it's not meant to stop as soon as you agree to be with them or, even more seriously, say "I do" to them in front of your families and friends. Start now so that it becomes an adventure your whole life.

It's been truly amazing watching God work in my life.

Warning non-Believers: Christian post ( still worth reading! )

I saw a facebook post the other night and it really spoke to me. I recently shared it with my Youth Group and I wanted to share it here because as a Christian, it was one of those things that was like "Whoa. That's kind of awesome."

To paraphrase, the status said, "Why do you always look for an empty spot when you already have a reserved parking location?" The person who posted the status frequently posts Christian blurbs, so I was excited to see another one.

How awesome is that thought, though? So often in life, we search for our place to fit in and our path to travel on. As humans we are embedded with the desire to understand the meaning of life, the calling that we've been given. Christians and non-Christians alike struggle with this issue: where do I belong?

In Matthew 26:64 (fun fact: Matthew is presently my favourite book in the Bible), Jesus is being tried for his supposed crimes and the declaration that He is the Messiah. Jesus replies to the High Priest, "But I say to all of you: From now on you will see the Son of Man sitting at the right hand of the Mighty One and coming on the clouds of heaven."

Right there. As a Christian, my place isn't spoken any clearer than the word of Jesus Christ. My eternal place is already marked. I may feel lonely and I may feel like I don't know what God wants for my life. But I can feel secure in knowing that I no longer have to "roam the parking lot" for an empty place. I have a place at the right hand of the Father and that is an awesome, awesome feeling.

My purpose and my calling in life are to serve my God. I can safely park in my place because I am secure in my eternal future, even if my present life is a mess of confusion, haha. :) Food for though, for sure.

P.S.  This post is a part of Weekend Wanderings.

Yesterday my Youth Group surprised our friend Victor at his hotel. Victor just graduated high school and has enlisted in the U.S. Army - he leaves today to begin training.

I've known plenty of people to enlist in the military, but only one close friend Tiff left that touched my heart on a deeper note. And with how close I am to Victor, I'm really struggling. But I know that God has amazing plans for his life and will bring him home safely.

We went to the Golden Corral - WHICH IS NOT OKAY FOR VEGANS, BTW - and all spent the afternoon together and signed a Soldier's Bible for Victor to read and keep close by his side. He was really touched and there are SO many pictures with him. I only took a few but I'll steal some from my friend Alyssa and from my Youth Leader Tim, lol!



A really cool thing happened, too. Our waitress stopped our Youth Leaders and asked them about our church and for information. She was so touched at our praying together and how we treated one another that she wants to come see our church! How AWESOME is that? God is good!

Whether you pray or not, please keep Victor in your thoughts and prayers. I already miss him dearly. He was the first person from my friends AND church (beside my father and now-ex Noel who I see as family) to contact me when I left for college and we weren't even as close then. I'm going to be writing him way too much!

God's been putting it on my heart to really get into my love language and figure out how to approach other people about theirs. Whether you're a Christian, an atheist, a Buddhist, man, woman, widow, single, WHOEVER and WHATEVER - you have a giving love language and a receiving love language. I really want to get into mine and work on my ability to connect to others.

What is a love language? A love language is the way in which you show and receive love. There are five - physical touch, words of affirmation, acts of service, gifts, and quality time. Gary Chapman and Ross Cambell have written several books on this focusing on different aspects and stages in one's life - for children, for couples, for singles, for teens, etc. It's a really cool thing to learn about yourself. Everyone generally has two - the way in which you show people you love them and the way in which people should show you how they love you - but some have more.

So I borrowed the couples book from my friend Amanda because I've heard good things about how it prepares you for your future relationship. I'm not sure if it's centered around God but regardless it's something I'm excited to read.

For me, the way I receive love is Quality Time. Amanda believes the way I show is Words of Affirmation. What about you? I challenge you to figure out your love language!

There's an online quiz HERE. Choose appropriately! There's also a lengthier apology language test.

Today is Wednesday, which for me means it's Youth Group. This time Oscar (he's atheist) is coming with me to re-meet everyone that he met the last time he stayed in New Jersey. It's going to be at the Cunningham's house, which is always a loving environment, and it's a pool part/goodbye to graduates/message.

It brings me back, honestly. Last year the same kind of party was thrown for Jake, Amanda, and myself because we were leaving the nest. It's so crazy to think that it's been a year since I was anxiously but tearfully getting ready to leave for New York. I'd never have guessed how much my life would have changed!

I'm so excited for Mark, Victor (going into the military), Jenny, and Ashley. I'm closest with the girls, but each individual has a special place in my heart. They're all going on to better things and they're all going to glorify God in the process. It's been amazing watching them grow as people and I'm going to miss their faces.

I know it might get tiring with like, more than half of my posts mentioning God and Christianity. But hey - I'm talking very specifically about some Christian lovelies :)

"Get out! Get out and leave your captivity
where everything you touch is unclean.
           Get out of there and purify yourselves, you who carry home
           the sacred objects of the Lord.
                      You will not leave in a hurry, running for your lives.
                       For the Lord will go ahead of you; yes, the God
                      of Israel will protect you from behind."
                                                             Isaiah 52:11-12

I don't know about anyone else, but I usually know when I need to spend some time with my Bible.

My heart doesn't feel the same. I get overwhelming needs to sing and praise Jesus, but it isn't just "I want to glorify my Savior" praise - it's "Crap I feel guilty" praise. Little things in my life that I am normally able to brush aside play a much greater role in determining my day and attitude. Just tiny little reminders that I need to focus some energy on Jesus and slow down my day.

As much as I try to appreciate my life, because it's so much better now than it was when I was younger, I still get down. I try not to let the things that people say or do bother me, but it can be very discouraging when it seems like most of your relationships are one-sided. I do a lot for other people and usually do not get the same hospitality returned. And that isn't the point of my kindness, but it would be nice to get a little bit back for a change. Just so that I feel like I have some people to lean on.

It's precisely times like this when I know that I need to turn to the invisible army that constantly surrounds me and consumes my heart. I love my Savior and praise him no matter what my mood is, and don't get me wrong - a relationship with God shouldn't be exercised only when we're struggling. But it's knowing that no matter how alone I feel I always have somebody there that makes it so important TO turn to God when I'm hurting.

Isaiah says that when the world around us is unclean and not right for us, God can help us right our stray feelings. Even the toughest decisions are easy because life is not about fleeing. It is about change, adaption, and moving on. "For the Lord will go again of you; Yes, the God of Israel will protect you from behind" - How AWESOME is that? Need not fear the paths ahead because we do not travel alone and we do not travel vulnerably. Just what I needed today when I'm feeling alone.

I'm hoping that God pulls through for me on this one. My heart's been in a constant turmoil for the past almost-eight months now. It's a huge test of love, strength, patience, and faith for me that I was never expecting to experience.

In times when it really hits me how much leaving for college changes your entire life, and when I really have to rely on everything being a part of God's plan, I like to worship. Francesca Battistelli is my favourite female Christian artist. Her lyrics simply have a way of speaking to me and to my life verse, which is Matthew 24:13.

I think it's really important to remember who we are and where we're at when we are struggling. Especially when we're struggling with something - like feelings - that we think we aught to be able to control. Aside from the trials I cannot control, I've always liked to believe that who I love and how I loved them was up to me. But God showed me that I was wrong when I fell for somebody other than my two-year (now-ex)boyfriend; he showed me that I was wrong when I thought I was ready for a relationship with Oscar and then worked things out with Noel; and he's still proving me wrong by letting me get butterflies for both of them. And I'm praying so hard that something gives because everything does feel broken. Hence this photo.

I'm letting God do my mending and I hope whoever sees this, whether you follow or not, takes away the same message. It's okay to let go as hard as it is to pry your fingers off of everything you know. And in the mean time, worship. In your own way, whether you're a Christian or an atheist, worship.

I'm a Christian so normally I got to church on Sundays but tonight I was short of a ride. Even so, that doesn't mean that I can't appreciate my God's presence in the absence of being at church because honestly? A building isn't church - people are a church. Today I'm my own little church, lol :)

And I want to thank God for some awesome opportunities he's thrown my way this last semester of my freshman year at University, because often I can get caught up in the little things. That's been happening a lot lately - even today I woke up relatively aggravated! (P.S. You should usually expect God-ish postings on Sundays but fret not if you're not fond of this. The other days of the week I use to vent and share other things.)

A research lab assistant position with the Weight and Eating Disorder Laboratory on campus. For those who don't know, although Social Psychology is my intended doctorate, I eventually want to work in a facility with men and women who suffer from eating disorders. Working here is such an amazing opportunity -- I can even conduct my own research in a few years. I don't yet know if I receive a stipend yet, but I'll pray about that one 'cause I could really use it!

For collecting all As this semester, even if two of them came up as A-s. I'm incredibly thankful for that because last semester's GPA sucked for me and this time at least I got a 3.88 even if it's not the 4.0 I've been used to. It took a lot of hard work and tears to achieve this but I knew God would provide. My room-mate who, although knows how to frustrate to me beyond limits that I never knew I had, has helped me through some different patches these last few months, like my break up with Noel and a close family friend dying from an overdose. Maria disappoints me a lot, and sometimes I really don't want to be bothered, but I know that she's a good person and will listen to me piss and moan when I really need to let things go. She's done a lot for me in general over the year, from sharing her things to giving me a hug when I burst out into tears.


An amazing boy called Oscar who treats me like diamonds and then some. We get into fights over really dumb things but overall I know that God's placed him in my life for purposes that I'm still figuring out. He's honestly like my other half and I would not have gotten through this year without him - period. I tell him everything, including all of the times he upsets me and makes me want to wring his neck, and he still manages to adore me. We're not -official- yet but maybe that will be soon.

Helping my relationship with Mandee. We got close my senior year of high school but I was always mad at for her something because she was bad with keeping plans and was never there for me like I was for her. But over the course of freshman year we got incredibly close and now I know she's really there for me in the long run. She knows things about me now that none of my other "best friends" (hate that word) know and I'm confident that it's going to stay that way. I'm so proud of all she's doing!

(THIS IS SUCH AN OLD PICTURE OMG) Allowing me to maintain a friendship with Noel. I'm still working on getting over feelings for him, but that's what happens when you and your first love stop dating. He's a precious gem and I'm an idiot for giving him up, but this is what I think is best and what God wants for me. I pray every night for Noel to be healthy again (like I said, this is an old photo) and that we can stay best friends through all of this.


and finally for today:
My mom's six month sobriety. It's been a long journey.